My saviour.

O.O

._.

^,..,^

;~;

Woah. You win.

That's awesome.

Thank you!

^-^ Yes yes.

Its one of my favorites.

^-^

I like it. What's up?

Nothing much, trying to find a gun. You?

A gun?

And not a whole lot, I suppose. Tired. Hurtin.

Why hurting? and yes, a gun.

I have spine issues. And what for...?

Aww, Im sorry... To shoot myself.

It's all good. Uhmm... Don't do that.

Well, it may not be as creative as a Rozz Williams tribute, but I think it hurts less.

I'm sure it would. You can never know for sure, though.

How about you tell me what's wrong, and you DON'T shoot yourself?

See, I dont want to ruin whatever sane image I have already provided for you, so telling you my pathetic woes would be a waste of precious time....

Trust me, it's very hard to get me to find you odd.

Not odd. I know Im odd. Insane is more what Im going for.

Well. Everyone's a little crazy. Some moreso. Including myself.

So talk to me.

I'm being obscured by the simplest of human emotions. Jealousy. It seems petty and typical. Elias told me he didnt like the way- lets call her Mlle- she was treating me, because she takes my friendship for granted, and she treats me like I'm a spoiled brat- which I guess, in some aspects, I am- and she acts like I am not mature enough to know the inner workings of her little head... "You dont realize how lucky you are. You got to go to Japan, for christ's sake." I do know how lucky I am, but Japan is just a two week trip, whereas your parents support you in all of your ventures, where mine will do anything for me to be normal. Every boy crasps towards her beauty, and her mysterious facade, and before you know it, they are head over heels for her. I've had three boyfriends, and two of them have left me because they've loved her ... then you think about my last boyfriend, John, who I totally fucked up with...

I ruined everything... I got drunk in Korea ( a trip I paid for) with some Aussies, and broke up with him before fooling around with this other guy...

then I realized what I'd done, and started getting into drugs and such, making my life even more fucked up.

That's a problem... A series of problems, yes.

But y'know, everything always turns out.

Always. It takes a while, and you may not love the result, but it always turns out..

Yes, but when? My parents- my whole family- has lost all respect and trust for me, because I got caught shoplifting, and now dont trust me with anything. They take my fucking phone to make sure Im not doing anything stupid... I;m on pill after pilll, therapist after therapist, and no one can figure out whats wrong with me.

Not to mention, my ex, John, keeps telling me all my flaws... waht I did to ruin our relationship, why he could never love a girl like me, why no boy will ever look at me with anything but disgust...

I know just how you feel...

What the fuck do I do.

Wait.

Often enough, there's nothing you CAN do.

I know this from experience.

Lots has happened, and I think Jake and I are over... or will be soon. But Grant is making me feel better.. lol watching LOTR and talking to me ^_^

Everything's alright with me and Jake!! -^^- We made up today, and are much much happier.

But I ate some ice cream because the BGC was giving it away for free.. I took my meds, but I dont think it worked completely. I just threw up T__T But I should be fine now. Just a stomach ache.

Ta ta~
Kiku

Jacob and I got in a fight today. I dont know why, but he was mad at me. He didnt wait for me after I finished Art. Usually he waits behind this wall in the hallway, outside the German room. But today he didnt. Im afraid he's going to break up with me for his ex (Rebecca, my ex best friend) because he's been hanging out with her alot, and not with me. I dont want to think about that though...

I got new medicine for my lactose/gluten/egg/BLECH allergies, *~* So hopefully those wills start working soon.

I have more homework to do....

Love,
Kiku

Just sitting at home doing math homework.
I had rehearsal for the play I got in (I didnt think I would, but they liked my audition!!) and it was 3 hours of dance, for someone who cant even walk without tripping. x.x But it turned out fine, I guess. Now Im getting better, at least.

Im tired... Goodnight, whoever.

Love,
Kiku

Hewwo!
Right now I'm at my friend's house. She is my bestest friend, and I love her to death <3 Without her, I would have crumbled long ago. My goals arent clear yet, but I know I will reach them.

Today was a normal day.
At school, we practiced for the Jazz concert on Saturday. I'm excited for it, but nervous because I haven't done a jazz concert in public yet. There are only three clarinets, and one is not yet sure if they can play on Saturday.. Hopefully she can.
I was late to my first class. I left my backpack in the practice room, and had to go back. Luckily, my first hour teacher wasn't in the classroom, so I didnt get a detention. I made Jacob late again. It's so nice of him to wait for me, and for some reason I love making him late... it means he doesnt mind getting detentions if it means one more minute with me. I dont know, touching in my mind...
He seemed upset today. I tried to talk to him about it, but he fake-smiled for me... I wonder what's wrong...
I'll give him a big hug tomorrow and ask him to be happy.
I got an email the other day about a Youth Festival in Korea... It said the application date was last month, so I didnt fill out the forms, but I did send an email asking if it's too late for me to apply.. what harm could it do? Well, I got an email back today saying that the date was moved back to the 28th of this month! So, I filled out my forms and Im going to scan my passport. Who know's, I could end up going to Korea!

 I have so many dreams and goals... hopefully I can fulfill them.
With love,
Kiku